why I hate the phone

I absolutely hate the telephone. I don’t like talking to people on the phone, I don’t like answering the phone, I don’t like returning phone calls, and I don’t like making phone calls. I hate voicemail. I haven’t checked my work voicemail in over a year. The work voicemail has a simple message: “Send me email.” I even asked to have it disabled, but they refused (only in academia could I get away with this…)

I resist calling people — even people I really like — because I just don’t dig the phone.

And more than that, I always wonder what all these people are always blathering to others about on their cellphones constantly. I see students walk out of class, open their phones, and call people. Who the fuck are they calling? I mean, it isn’t like these people are surgeons checking up on their patients or Wall Street brokers making trades. They’re, like, totally calling their friends to, like, CHAT! OMFG!!11 Like, I’m getting SO drunk tonight.

Or not.

Anyway, to those of you that love the phone — and trust me, you’re in the majority, by a large margin — you’re probably reading my post thinking that I’m as nuts as I think you are for liking the phone. A friend once accused me of being “too punk rock” to talk on the phone, but that has nothing to do with it. And to be honest, until a few years back, I wasn’t really sure why I hated the phone so much, but then I was reading The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World which contains a short section on what the author calls “phone phobia.” What it comes down to is this: introverts get their energy from inward reflection and being alone. We re-energize by down time doing the things we enjoy on our own or with a very small group of friends, whereas most everyone else revitalizes by being out and active and involved. The phone interrupts this internal focus, and it requires us to be social on demand — something that we can often play at, but which we’re not necessarily thrilled about. And because we introverts are in the minority, this kind of behavior seems weird to most people.

In a way, it was liberating to read a rational, psychologically-sound reason for my hatred of the phone and my even deeper dislike of socializing. It isn’t that I’m against parties, or having friends, or anything like that, but I generally find much of it really draining, even when I’m sharing the company of people I really like. I can’t explain it, but for some reason, I can only handle so much of it, and as I get older and have access to more of my own space and my own time, I find myself even less interested in it all. I know that to any of you who are extroverts, this will seem radically damaged, possibly dangerous, and maybe even worthy of intervention, but I’m not mentally unstable (well, at least not in this area). I just enjoy my alone time, or time that’s focused with one or two very close friends. (If you’re interested in more on this topic, Satisfy the Mind does a bang-up job discussing some of this in the podcast on loners.) Why can’t that just be okay?

Anyway, I’m probably a total freak for enjoying being alone, or enjoying smaller hangouts, but that’s how it goes. Of course, if your know me IRL, I don’t mean to suggest that I don’t like you, or hanging out with you: I do! You’re great. You rock. I love you. I don’t mean any personal offense by not returning your calls or being cagey about hanging out. But you should probably understand that I’m just kind of introverted. I’m pretty good at pretending I’m not, but when it comes down to it, I really am. I can’t help it, and I’m not sure I’d want to.